Hmmmmmmmmm

i feel like there are times in our lives where we are bettering ourselves with deep thought, contemplation, big decisions, and goals.  And other times where we are just floating and having a good time.

I feel like.... first term was super shitty in terms of emotion and overall happiness.  The school aspect wasn't terrible.  I felt like the whole term i was finding myself a little.

This term... im floatin along having a good time... and hating school more than i ever have in the process.

Lets let this 3rd term be a fresh start and be really balanced.

Thats all i got

facebook is gay i miss xanga its more interesting than just pictures... i need some substance.

i've done a lot of reflecting lately about ryan and bryan and andrew and just been thinking about all my past experiences, reviewing my life and thinking about what i like and don't like.  Maybe it's wrong and unfair to compare... i shouldn't judge and such.

new favorite song:

Tonight we drink to youth
And holding fast to truth
I don’t want to lose what I had as a boy
- He's toasting to youth, because he wants to keep the feeling of what he thought love was going to be like when he was a child.

My heart still has a beat
But love is now a feat
As common as a cold day in LA
- Now that he has lost his love, he feels as if he'll never find it again, hence "as common as a cold day in LA", because it's not something that would happen as commonly as it would in Sacramento.


Sometimes when I’m alone, I wonder
Is it a spell that I am under
Keeping me from seeing the real thing?
- Again he is wondering if he'll ever fall in love in his ideal way again.

Love hurts…
But sometimes it’s a good hurt
And it feels like I’m alive
-When you are broken hearted, sometimes even though it can be painful, just the thought of you being able to do something as wonderful as falling in love can make you feel good.

Love sings
When it transcends the bad things
Have a heart And try me, ‘cause without love I won’t survive
-When you are able to overcome a road block on the path to love it can show you just how powerful love can be. He feels that since love has failed him, he may never succeed in it, and he doesn't want that.

I’m fettered and abused
I stand naked and accused
Should I surface this one man submarine?
I only want the truth
So tonight we drink to youth
I’ll never lose what I had as a boy
-He feels isolated, and still has many questions about what has happened. He needs to decide whether or not he should open up to others again. In the end he decides that he is not going to let the way he feels about love to go away.

Sometimes when I’m alone, I wonder
Is it a spell that I am under
Keeping me from seeing the real thing?
Love hurts…
But sometimes it’s a good hurt
And it feels like I’m alive
Love sings
When it transcends the bad things
Have a heart and try me,
‘Cause without love I won’t survive

What i pull away- amazing memories, a better sense of who i am, knowing that ending is better than staying if it isn't a good situation-- i know this seem obvious but I'm an idiot who hurts people. 

i've worried lately that i will never love anyone the way i loved bryan.  there were just so many amazing things about him.  i guess i have to be open to new things and forget about the good o meter, people will be great in their own ways.

Shit love is scary.

When I start being emotionally unstable my schoolwork goes to absolute shit.  Starting now, I'm gonna do better in school   Andrew is helpin out and making me focus.  I realize there is absolutely no excuse for not doing well, I'm perfectly capible and all i have to do is put forth effort.  Studying, doing homework-- yeah its sortof a new thing. 

.

i feel like having a huge girl party

is it just me or did everyone get prettier this year?

Break was wonderful, a few days of rest and then a chaotic trip to Florida.  We went to every park with the exception of Animal Kingdom and had a great time.  It was great to come home and sleep in my own bed for more than 4 consecutive hours.

Day 1: Tuesday, December 27- MGM

we were so tired... and excited

on the tram from the airport

what was i thinking

Pizza Planet from Toy Story... cute Miranda

its cuter sideways, trust me

I think I might just miss her

he got really cold the first night while we were watching the water show so I made him wear my sweat shirt... he looks like an emo kid

Day 2: Wednesday, December 28- Islands of adventure
                                                   Universal Studios
                                                   Universal City Walk
                                                   Parade

Group Photo in the morning at Hard Rock Cafe... you can really tell that we wanted to be photographed

Whoville... where i saw steven tyler... and almost died (i love steven tyler)

Bryan and me, we both bought fossil bags... were cool

Day 3: Thursday, December 29-Magic Kingdom
                                               Parade

Cinderella's Castle

the girls

in line at space mountain... I love that ride

DONT TOUCH THE FLOOR!  hes black... (sorry Bailey, african american)

Day 4: Friday, December 30-Citrus Parade
                                             Downtown Disney

It was so cold that morning that we all wrapped up in our flags aww cute

Group Photo

Marching for 2 hours behind a camel haha

Bryan and me at Downtown Disney in line for the Buzz Lightyear Bumper Cars

LEGO land

Day 5: Saturday, December 31-Epcot

we were tired, OK?

Ariel, Tiffany and me in line for test track

we found some crazy hats in one of the countries

arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

The trip was amazing... so many great memories

Hope everyone had a great holiday as well

OH MY GOD WE GOT FIRST

oh poms <3